Can I call a day off? —

I thought my progress as a person is constant. I thought I was growing. But, I was wrong.

I scream inside my head as I was smiling in the mirror, seeing the reflection which is still me.. but , absolutely a different person. I was wearing the “dream uniform that I’ve always pictured on my college-butt-dragging-days”, it’s my uniform at work. That vivid image of my dream that I’ve been imagining every time I wanted to give up”.. That, strong phrases like “someday, I would be a TEACHER” , would cheer every part of me. But while in the mirror, I asked myself, why did I choose this profession? What’s wrong with me? Why Am I lacking motivations? Why the heart that was once burning with so much passion is fading away? What should I do ?

 

Early this school year, I was truly excited for the coming experiences. In fact, I made a promise to myself to be punctual in school work and attendance. I bought materials for my lessons and had a great plan for my classroom structuring, ย my teaching strategies and so on. I started on the right track. I was so in it. I was on fire teaching! God , I love all my students. They were a family to me. My children, my second home. I was so into it. Oh God, I cannot even think of anything else.. But, there is one day perhaps when I got exhausted from work, took a 30min nap but woke up at 5am. I have a lot to do like checking papers, recording and many more! But I wasn’t able to comply. Then, it repeated on the next day and the day after until it became a hoabit. I cannot use my spare time because I was busy with other unimportant things. I cant keep up. I am failing. I tried to be on the right track again, so I ran fast as I could. Meeting one deadline at a time. I was close enough , like an inch of it!! When I got my students’ results. I was doomed. Most of them got failing grades. I cannot blame anyone but myself. I was sure I am a good teacher. I always do my best in terms of teaching. I was just being lazy on checking papers and less heart for work. (that was an excuse I made to feel less horrible) but indeed, I felt beyond horrible. ย I felt like dying.

So, what I did is to list all of the things I needed to finish. I made a deadline. Clearly put a deadline, currently on the half of it. But I lack motivation.

I wonder why. ย ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ย I must find answer to this. What has been so wrong with me lately?

So, I’d like to write this all down as a reminder this is just one of the many waiting failures I will have in the coming days of my profession, however, I will keep on fighting until the last of my breath.

I will not give up with this attitude. I will overcome and will be on the right track again. That I promise.

 

 

 

Teacher Kat

 

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๐ŸŒธ Make them happy. (Persons that matter most)๐Ÿƒ

“Stop making efforts for other people to see how you are doing, that you are happy with your life, that you are good. Stop validating yourself to everyone, proving yourself and wanting there appreciation. It’s okay.”

Tonight, oww it’s 3am, ๐Ÿ’ญ

I was thinking a lot about myself, career, plans , lovelife, family, friends~ and picturing scenes of the unknown future. I have lots in mind, most of “what-ifs” … am I stressing myself too much? No. it’s been a while to reflect.

One of the major diseases i am fighting, though i am denying it, is the fact that I put so much effort to make me look good to everyone’s eye. Which is impossible. I mean, I care too much on what people might think of me. Yes, it is good but, not always. 

I am all aware that we cannot please everyone. I know! But I wanted their approval, appreciation and positive comments.. I’m so stupid to think I can have that. What is worse is, I am not giving much importance to those people who truly matter and have a big part of my life~ like my family .. especially my mom. Who cared a lot about me. She works hard for our family without thinking about herself. I’m such a bad daughter only to realize it now. Well, even i know I’m doin it from the start. ๐Ÿ˜ž I always fail to make her happy. To make her life easy. ~ I’m too busy making efforts for others to see. 

Now, I am slowly absorbing everything I’ve in mind tonight. I need to start doing things for those that matter. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป


Stop making efforts for others, you just have to make people close to you happy. That’s enough.

Catherine 2.0 ! ๐Ÿ’‹

Hereโ€™s The Kind Of Love You Should Settle For In 2017 โ€” Thought Catalog

unsplash.comSettle for the kind of love thatโ€™s extraordinary in all of its ordinariness. Find the person who makes you feel excited to spend Saturday doing nothing, as long as youโ€™re doing nothing with them. Settle for the kind of love that makes you unbelievably happy to sit there and spend your Sunday night sendingย workโ€ฆ

via Hereโ€™s The Kind Of Love You Should Settle For In 2017 โ€” Thought Catalog

I took a modern calligraphy workshop over the weekend. Iโ€™ve been interested in hand lettering for a while now. A few years ago I took an online lettering class where I used a brush marker โ€“ a Tombow, which is a flexible marker that can produce thin lines as well as thick lines when youย [โ€ฆ]

via Modern Calligraphy โ€” my creative resolution